It’s Eminem’s 45th birthday. Grab your chunderbucket and take a listen to his 10 most vomit-inducing lyrics.
On his major label debut The Slim Shady LP, Eminem tells a story about taking his infant daughter along for a ride to dump her murdered mother’s in the lake. “My album isn’t for younger kids to hear,” he explained in a 1999 Rolling Stone interview. “It has an advisory sticker, and you must be eighteen to get it. That doesn’t mean younger kids won’t get it, but I’m not responsible for every kid out there. I’m not a role model, and I don’t claim to be.”
Eminem, who turns 45 today, became the most controversial and commercially successful rapper of all time partly by trafficking in shock value, using his technical mastery to shine a light on the darkest corners of his psyche, and the psyches of his alter-egos. On occasion, he delivered gruesome depictions of rape and murder fantasies. He inspired sexually deviant guest verses from his Detroit collaborators ranging from the ludicrous (Obie Trice’s lurid description of an encounter with “Denise from the cleaners” on “Drips”) to the extraordinarily fucked up (Bizarre’s psychotic rant about incest, matricide, and similarly controversial topics on “Amityville”).
Eminem’s lyrics are on occasion so powerful and unpleasant that they have the potential to make one not simply cringe but convulse, faint, involuntarily void the bowels, or vomit for several minutes as if in the aftermath of an ipecac-drinking contest. This is the case not only for the Christian mother who took offense to Vince Staples’ “Norf Norf,” but also for seasoned ran fans with hardy stomachs who are used to listening to tales of savagery in all its forms. Eminem’s willingness to do away with any semblance of decorum, combined with his prodigious talents, make him one extraordinarily divisive — even in 2009, when he release Relapse, an album that produced the top three lyrics on this list. Even in 2017, when he says “fuck you” to his fans who support the policies of Donald Trump. With a possible album right around the corner, there is literally no saying what he’ll do next.
Anyways… celebrate Eminem’s birthday by grabbing your chunderbucket and listening to his 10 most vomit-inducing lyrics.
60 sluts, all of them dying from asphyxia after they sip piss through a Christopher Reeve sippy cup.
Somebody dropped me on my head, and I’m for sure
That my mother did it, but the bitch won’t admit it was her
I slit her stomach open with a scalpel
When she was six months, and said: I’m ready now, bitch!
Ain’t you feeling these kicks, cunt?
“If I Get Locked Up”
I’ll have a fucking man raped with a band-aid over his mouth and shove his head in the fan blade.
Like happy things, I’m really calm and peaceful
I like birds, bees, I like people
I like funny things that make me happy and gleeful
Like when my teacher sucked my wee-wee in preschool
I’m fixated on asphyxiating and breaking this little chick’s neck just like a pixie stick!
So I just, throw up a middle finger and let it linger
Longer than the rumor that I was sticking it to Christina
Cause if I ever stuck it to any singer in showbiz
It’d be Jennifer Lopez, and Puffy you know this!
I’m sorry Puff, but I don’t give a fuck if this chick was my own mother,
I still fuck her with no rubber and cum inside her
and have a son and a new brother at the same time
and just say that it ain’t mine, what’s my name?”
You and your husband have a fight
One of you tries to grab a knife, and during the struggle he accidentally gets his Adam’s apple sliced (No!)
And while this is going on, his son just woke up
And he walks in, she panics, and he gets his throat cut
(Oh my God!) So now they both dead
And you slash your own throat
So now it’s double homicide and suicide with no note
I shoulda known better when you started to act weird
We coulda— hey, where you going? Get back here!
You can’t run from me, Kim! It’s just us, nobody else
You’re only makin’ this harder on yourself!
Ha-ha, got ya! Go ahead, yell!
Here, I’ll scream with you, “Ah, somebody help!”
Don’t you get it, bitch? No one can hear you!
Now shut the fuck up and get what’s comin’ to you!
You were supposed to love me!!!
Now bleed, bitch, bleed!!! Bleed, bitch, bleed!!! Bleed!!!
I was born with a dick in my brain, yeah fucked in the head
My stepfather said that I sucked in the bed
‘Til one night he snuck in and said
We’re going out back, I want my dick sucked in the shed”
Can’t we just play with Teddy Ruxpin instead?
After I fuck you in the butt, get some head
Bust a nut, get some rest
The next day my mother said, I don’t know what the fuck’s up with this kid!
The bastard won’t even eat nothing he’s fed
He just hung himself in the bedroom he’s dead
“Debbie don’t let that fucker get you upset
Go in there, stick a fucking cigarette to his neck
I bet you he’s faking it, I bet you
I bet he probably just want’s to see how upset you would get
I’ll go handle this of course, unless you object
Ahh go fuck his brains out, if any’s left in his head
“Taking My Ball”
Shove a fucking Tonka Truck up a little kid’s butthole.
“Stay Wide Awake”
Heard of me before, see whore you’re the kind of girl that I’d assault and rape
then figure why not try to make your pussy wider
Fuck you with an umbrella then open it up while the shit’s inside you
I’m the kind of guy that’s mild but I might flip and get a little bit wilder
Impregnate a lesbian, yeah, now let’s see her have triplets
And I’ll disintegrate them babies as soon as they’re out her with formaldehyde and cyanide
Girl you can try and hide, you can try to scream louder
He’s raping me, she tries to scream, somebody please get him off me
He’s taping me, he’s biting me, he’s laughing like it’s funny
She’s scraping me, she’s fighting me, she’s scratching like some dumb freak
Escaping me, no die she see, I might just be Ted Bundy
Or Satan gee, what a sight to see, I’m dancing in my red panties